50 ABOVE Celsius --Vancouverites try to turn on the heat
--Manitobans plant gardens

40 ABOVE Celsius --Victorians shiver uncontrollably
--Winnipeggers sunbathe

35 ABOVE Celsius --Italian cars won't start
--Winnipeggers drive with the windows down

32 ABOVE Celsius --Distilled water freezes
--Winnipeg's water gets thicker
20 ABOVE Celsius --Torontonians wear coats, gloves & wool hats
--Manitobans throw on a t-shirt

15 ABOVE Celsius --Quebecers begin to evacuate the province
--Manitobans go swimming

Zero ---------Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat
--Manitobans have the last cookout before it gets cold

10 BELOW Celsius --People in Vancouver cease to exist
--Manitobans lick flagpoles

20 BELOW Celsius --Calgarians fly away to Mexico
--Manitobans throw on a light jacket

40 BELOW Celsius --Hamilton disintegrates
--Manitobans rent some videos

60 BELOW Celsius --Mt. St. Helene's freezes
--Winnipeg Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door

80 BELOW Celsius --Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica
--Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone "winter survival"
classes until it gets cold enough

100 BELOW Celsius --Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
--Winnipeggers pull down their ear flaps

173 BELOW Celsius --Ethyl alcohol freezes
--Manitobans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg

297 BELOW Celsius --Microbial life survives on dairy products
--Manitoban cows complain of farmers with cold hands

460 BELOW Celsius --ALL atomic motion stops
--Manitobans start saying "cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 BELOW Celsius --Hell freezes over
-The Winnipeg Blue Bombers win the Grey Cup